thanks Crazy4him. you are a strong woman. i wish i could leave him but i can't. i have my reasons and for the time being i can't make it. i blame myself for the mistakes he makes. i know i am not responsible for his drunkness but i promised myself to not go out with him when he is drunk. it embaresses me a lot the way he talk the way he walk. i hate it and myself to be in this situation. as you said it is somehow a cancerous tumore but i am trying to heal it. i am doing my best to make him stop but so long no success.