thanks
i just wanted to thank everyone here. it's a month since i found this forum. i am reading and sometimes writing. it was a great help to me.
i understand that i should not check here and there for my ah empty bottles. he is drinking so why should i continue to control him.
the result is that he is drunk when he is home. we don't argue. because i feel pity for him. i see him as a sick person.i help him to go to bed or even to the bathroom since he had episodes of falling during the past weeks. around his eyes and mouth is yellowish. i did my best to convince him to go and see a doctor. but as you may know he is a doctor himself and he knows better than me what alcohol is doing to him.
anyway, since we don't argue for weeks so last night he wanted us to go out. he was the one who suggest dining out.
anyway, he was drunk before we go out! i helped him walk since he was so unbalance. when i calmly asked why he had more than enough he said he is ok and i acuse him for no reason! anyway, he was sleeping before they serve our dinner and i had to wake him up couple of times! when he wanted to pay the check, he gave a 5 euro insted of 50 and he was waiting for the rest. i felt so ashamed! i told myself i will never ever go out in this situation. i think i am depressed i hate myself to stay with him! last night before i sleep i asked god to make sleep for good but God doesn't love me enough to kill me. i am thankful to everybody here. though i may feel depressed but at least here i can pour out and talk.
thanks every body.