Thanks everyone, for the input.
No, Bee, I'm not mad at all...I think what took me aback was not what she said (which was reasonable...I asked HER after all) but MY REACTION TO IT. I felt defensive...scared...squirmy about being pinned down, ect and I am trying to look at this objectively and question WHY I am feeling this way. I DO want to do these steps and have felt that way for some time, but the old "be careful what you wish for" syndrome comes to mind. I am totally with you Bee, on my HP doing a little driving here and I'm OK with that. I guess another thing that is subteranneanly bothering me is that, as I said, I am not an AA or no way person and the people in my area ARE. Still, as her HUSBAND said in yesterday's meeting, re Step 2, don't knock it until you try it. So I am receptive, yes, but a zealot, no, if that makes sense. It certainly can't hurt, I know that and I'm all for self-exploration (ya think?), but I'm used to being IN CONTROL. hmmm, lots to ponder....
Another thought, though....for those of you with sponsors and sponsees. This woman and I have been on an equal footing in the past. Does this change things? Am I now in the student role? I'd PREFER to see it as 2 people helping each other on their life's journeys, but I feel the same way about my therapist (and I doubt he agrees
. Yes, she has more sobriety than me and that definitely counts for something, but....
See, I told you I was muddled.
Thanks, AGAIN, for letting me mutter along....