I can relate to your situation on a few levels. I also live with someone who has an alcohol problem. I also understand her side because I am an alcoholic and just learning what I need to do to stay sober.
I'm learning that even though I want my boyfriend to join me in soberiety, he has to make that decision for himself. I would get really angry at him, take the bottle away (which never works by the way. Just angers him and he'd just get more). He hides bottles all over the house and i'd find them and confront him. All that ever did was stress me out and leave me drained.
I'm not sure if this will help you at all because I'm just figuring out all this myself but one thing everyone keeps telling me is to pray. Put it in God's hands and hope she decides its time to seek help.