Don't live in the future:
but I keep thinking what if something really bad happens?
Or the past:
I'm at a strong risk for relapse based upon my history
Your doing great today because you are actively working on your recovery. Just do that everyday.
It's kind of funny. I used to dread upcoming events where I thought I might be triggered and start drinking again. I would really get myself all worked up. But by practicing my program, when the day arrived it really was no problem! Amazing stuff! This even applies to those major life challenges (e.g. my aunt's passing, my cousin's suicide).
For me, the self-doubt & fear of falure lessened over time. Each passing day, a bit more confidence. You don't get weaker with each day sober...you get stronger.
Eventually, I was confident enough to say to myself "you know, I never have to drink again...I'm not scared anymore!"
I have faith that I have what I need to live a good, sober life. My drinking days are over.
I truly believe that my ongoing recovery is not unique. Anyone can have it with patience & hard work.