I agree it's wonderful that you are putting your fears down in writing, that will help you to deal with the issue. 5 months into my sobriety my mother passed away, I had not seen my parents in 10 years. My sister informed me that mom was in the hospital but no one expected me to fly to Florida, not only would it be stressful due to her dying but I also have panic attacks when I fly. Well I went to Florida and was there for 3 days before my mom died and for several days after, my family all expected that I would relapse (I later learned); I never even thought about drinking! A few weeks later I realized that my sobriety had largely been what had given me the strength to cope with all that happened and it continues to make me stronger every day.