Bamboozle

I read a lot of posts around here...and some of the relapses that have happened lately scare me.

I know what will happen if I pick up again. I almost couldn’t stop the last time. Two and a half weeks of drinking was more than enough for the beast to come out and take over control.

I'm okay right now...but I keep thinking what if something really bad happens? What will I do then? Will I be strong enough to stay sober? Life won't always be roses...so what happens when the sh!t hits the fan? In other words, what happens when I get my first real test?

I know I'm at a strong risk for relapse based upon my history and depression.

I've never made it this long sober.

And I'm scared.

I don't have the urge to use...but I know the potential is always there. I'd be a fool to think I have this thing beat.

The pills and therapy help greatly...but I am aware of how mentally fragile I still am.

Everyone talks about “the voice”. I have it, too…and many days it tells me to give in and give up. It’s very insistent.

It’s hard to learn how to deal with life as it is. It takes a long time.

I’m going to bring up this issue at my next therapy session, but I wanted to put it out here.


I guess the reason why I'm thinking about this is because some good things have happened to me lately and I don't want to lose them.