I'm back to one week substance-free. I feel so underwhelmed by this "milestone." I've had a weird sort of apathy regarding my lack of substance abuse lately. I don't want to go get toasted and buy some meth, but at the same time I just don't really care either way. I wouldn't go out in search of it but if someone had some beer or pot or maybe even meth here right now, I'd probably do it.
Then maybe total absence in not for you. I mean I managed to do dope for many years until it came time to seek drug abuse treatment. Sure at that time I was just about past gone...but I made it.
When you quit, you really only guarantee yourself that you will not do drugs or alcohol. You don’t guarantee that life will get better. Life can be pretty random and bad things can happen, whether you are using and drinking or not. You do assure that you will be able to tackle life’s problems with a clear head and the judgment of a sober person, not the judgment of a person who is all strung out or messed up.
My life got progressive disastrous when I finally cleaned up for the first time. However with some clean time and plenty of addiction treatment I managed to make a horrific situation manageable. Sure, not everybody will have the same fortune. I believe that some in addiction treatment will sink even deeper in a disparaging condition even sober. Eventually they return to addiction until their early death. Seen it before and will see it again...life is tough.
I can see this is a difficult time for you. Your addictive voice is singing you a siren song, and it’s stupid. Don’t believe it. Good lives take a long time to build, and addictions often deprive people of ever having good lives.
Maybe I’m the pot calling the kettle black. I know that I have a pretty negative outlook sometimes. SMART has a toolbox which provides instructions for disputing irrational beliefs, and I have found this toolbox to be helpful during my recovery.
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I think that some of your ideas here are irrational because you are craving drugs. Do not let your addictions control your life.
So where is a future? Managing to balance dope use and not sink into a black hole of disparage. Or maybe dopping just enough to feel good...kinda sliding by in life...sure some bad time but nothing getting high wont take away...you know ignoring all the dope related problems wile staying stagnate...stuck...just making ends meet.
Or hey...you get to live a ripe ole age, partying as you please...making plenty of money...doper friends...damm the consequences as long as you get loaded when you want...who's business is it anyways.