Dear Hurting Dad,
Haven't been on site for a while and just read your post.
You know that there is nothing wrong with you, only your heart and soul are both crushed. There is no more crucial pain than watching your child destroy themselves. As i have gone thru what you have, I felt I was a walking Zombie. My son's addiction haunted my every thought. I searched, i prayed, I listened, to no avail. Your son is still in there, somewhere, and you have to find him. He is full of rage, anger, and very vile thoughts. As I went thru this, searching for an answer, I too, was told to walk away.
I am encouraging you to stand up and confront this demon. It was the hardest thing i had to do. As a mom of 3 sons, nothing prepared me for this. But i want to re-inforce, the state, your city is not responsible to attack this problem. You, as his father, is the one to do this. Only you, know your child. Find him in this demonic world he has created and make him face his addiction.
You are probably thinking right now, that i am totally nuts, and do not understand. But I do! Let me ask you, is it better walking around dreading every call, every day, waking up not knowing, or would it be better to face this and get on with life. It is not easy making our children face their problems in life, as we as parents feel we are there to protect and nurture. We do not want to attack their ego's, and make them face their problems and addictions. We are done, we have raised them.
My road has not been easy. My son still harbors some resentment of things I had to do and say to make him face his addiction.
He had a friend (girl) come in for the week last week from Houston As you know, they cut off all ties of the normal world, while using. I watched these two have the best time together. He worked all week, and in the evenings took her to Berkely, San Francisco, Sausilito. We were having Coffee yesterday morning before she flew home, and mentioned that my son had disappeared off the face of the earth for a year. Where was he? My heart sank, as i realized he had missed a year and a half of his life, but i am grateful that is all he lost. It has a slow process for my son, re-connecting, but as i watch his body fill out again, loving his job, and his beautiful smile return, it is worth everything I have gone thru with him.
i am only telling you this to help you, Hurting Dad. With so many telling you that you are powerless in this addiction world, I am telling you, that it can be conquered. It takes more of your parenting skills than ever, but it can and will be done. I am here to offer you hope.
Susan