My heart is just breaking for you, because it is JUST like what I went through when I was younger. I didn't see until much, much later how much damage that had done to me. And I'm so glad you're here talking it out.
How much longer do you have to be there? Do you have to be there at all, or is it just easier/cheaper? Do you depend on them financially? Any way you can get out from under that weight, so that your decisions are your decisions, and to heck with them?
I hate for someone nice like you -- or anyone else, really -- to suffer as I did.
You cannot change him. But you can get away from him, and you can do it in a way that preserves the good parts of your relationship.