I believe that we get so caught up in the tornado of their addictions, that we spin around with them for so long that we become worn out, and lose ourselves, and our self esteem to their addiction.
It's like the aa and alanon slogan says, "My life became unmanagable".
So, where do you go to get a new and improved self esteem?
Why you step out of the tornado, that's how. You start believing you're better than the addiction.
You make up your mind that you no longer want chaos and despair, you want peace and happiness, then you do what ever it is you have to do to get it.