Dear Mary, you are not a coward. Your post strikes a chord with me. I was in your spot maybe 10-12 years ago, trying to "Keep Calm and Carry On" while inside I was a wreck. Looking back, I realize I was safeguarding...what? The myth of the happy family? Why?
I was also very ignorant. I'd never known an alcoholic and could barely speak the word.
To make a long story short, my husband eventually embraced recovery, started going to meetings (lately he's overboard with the meetings but that's another issue) and truly found a new path. 7 years sober.
After just a few weeks of his going to meetings, I started to trust the process. I remember thinking, "It is so very simple and powerful. Why did no one tell me about this?"
And I realized it was because I never reached out. Never showed anyone my pain and anxiety.
NEVER apologize for not knowing what to do or where to turn. And don't suppress your feelings. Turn them into something positive by taking steps to make life better for you. Seek help. ASK. (there's a lot of wisdom here; when I logged on recently it said my last post was in 2005 and I had to re-register). But I remember being impressed by how caring and articulate people are.
You're taking steps to learn about this illness. If he was a diabetic you would read up on diabetes. He is an alcoholic, so it's a loving thing you're doing, learning about it.
Take care.
Keep Calm and Freak Out if you have to. :-)
Originally Posted by
MaryUK 
I'm a complete coward. I've not got the book yet (waiting for it to be delivered) but yes, when it comes I will hide it.
I am very laid back (generally!) and have a complete phobia about confrontations (with anyone) which to a large extent is how I have found myself in this situation.
I think if things bugged me, I ignored them; if they drove me mad, I gritted my teeth and pretended to ignore them; if things upset me, I was upset and then got over it etc etc. I made hardly any complaints and was always desperate to keep/make peace if there was a problem. Issues were never dealt with.
So now I'm at point where nothing major has happened but suddenly I can't stand ANY of it! If that makes sense. I am absolutely FILLED with resentment. And fury a lot of the time. Feel like I just need to let rip and let it all come pouring out. Not something I EVER do. I know I sound pathetic. I'm 40 years old and can't just talk to my husband calmly like an adult.
A friend asked if I was ok the other day when I snapped at one of my children. I said I was fine - "just tired". For a moment I felt like saying something but knew if I did I'd be in floods of tears. And I'd get loads of well-meaning advice like "don't put up with it", "tell him he can't drink that much" etc etc. I'm so ashamed of MYSELF it's like confessing that I've got a guilty secret
Anyway, that's all for now. Going to enjoy a few minutes peace before the kids wake up.
And before I use my quota of embarrassed smilies!! (Was joking when I wrote that but it seems I did!!! Only 3 allowed!).