Yankee, I know from experience that failure and relapse is discouraging which causes us to want to use more in order to hide from the shame and disappointment. Please don't give up, keep trying, keep reading the posts on SR and continue to work toward staying sober. That's the only way you will ever get there. Quitting is easy. I've done it 10,000 times. It's staying sober that is the difficult part. Know that we are here to support you and encourage you to get "back in the game." You can do it if you will follow the good advice that others have given on this site.