But then when I feel certain that leaving temporarily would be best, I think to myself-- what would everyone else think? how do i explain how a non-violent, financially supportive, responsible man is someone i am leaving?
That same statement could have come directly from my mouth. This is exactly what I said to myself before I left. That statement is why I'm having such a hard time now.
I'm not going to lie to you. It's very hard. But at least you are a step in front of me. At least you realize that you are done with it. That the same type of love isn't there anymore. I still loved my XABF very much. I left because I knew the madness would never end. I left because I knew how much it would effect my child. I left because I looked at his own child, and how messed up she is becoming due to his drinking, and knew I had to get out.
Making responsible decisions for your child IS important. It DOES make sense, and guess what? EVERYONE ELSE WOULD SAY IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO!
Look at all these people here supporting you! We have all been there. We understand better than the people on the "outside". If something doesn't feel right, deep down inside, then it's not right. Reguardless of violence, or jobs or any other excuse you can make for a person who is dependent on alcohol. You deserve better and so do your children.
It may be hard now. Trust me I know. But one day, when you leave, you will look back and say.... THANK GOD I DID THAT.
Hang in there. It gets better.
Light and Love,
Sarah