(((rmm)))
Whatever you decide, please make sure you're doing what is best for you and your children. You say that you want to leave so he can finally do the soul searching you think he needs to do. What if you leave and he doesn't change? What if he changes and doesn't want you back? What if he changes yet relapses when you return?
Your post is all about how you want him to do this or that and how you want his recovery to be. What is happening with your own recovery? How far have you gotten with letting go? You still seemed so focused on controlling him.
Its time for you to try some of that soul searching yourself. What has been your role in making this situation? What can you do to make your life better? Remember, you can only control YOU. If you want to live in an alcohol free environment, then leave - but it would be foolish to rely on this to 'make' your AH do what you want. My STBXAH soon found a 'replacement' enabler. But I am living a better life without him in it. I am happier (though I have my good days and bad days). Trying to 'make' him do ANYTHING drove me insane and I'm well out of it!
Have you read the sticky posts? Have you read 'Co Dependent No More' by Melody Beattie? Have you tried Al Anon? Counselling?
Again, what other people think is none of your business - you can't control that either! Why should you have to answer to 'everyone else'? The only person you have to answer to is you. Try and keep the focus on you. Let all the worrying on your AH go. Its not easy to do, but it is so worth it! I remember walking on eggshells/screaming the place down/crying/driving myself nuts trying to get my STBXAH to 'see'. Putting down the responsibility I had assumed for him and letting him stand (or fall) on his own two feet was such a relief! Letting go of trying to control the uncontrollable, once I got the hang of it (and I still slip sometimes), was so liberating! If I can do it, you can too!