Thanks to you all for replying to my post.
I feel so pathetic and desperate for even writing, and I'm grateful you are willing to lend some encouraging words.
The state of health care is so crazy here. The only reason they admitted me to the hospital last time is because I had developed hepatitis and was literally, yellow. Then I battled for more than six months to reduce the $17,000 they charged for the detox, paying small bits when I could. I'm terrified that I'll walk back into that place and they'll say "Well, we gave you a chance of a lifetime and you mucked it up!".
I'll never forget my third day there when I was sitting up, eating some solid food. The doctor came in and smirked at me. He advised me that the hospital was for "serious" patients and that I was wasting all their time as well as the taxpayers' money. I almost died before I went there. And I am not much better off today, sweating and shaking, severe heart palpitations, praying the store I go to with borrowed money will overlook the red, puffy eyes, the reek of alcohol, the shaking hands and the wrinkled clothes.
I am with hotamale here (not trying to be a pessimist) but city funded detox in a big place like this can be kind of scary. What I want to do right now is hide under the covers like a three year old and be comforted by some nurse/mommy that never existed. Pathetic, I know.