One thing that opened my eyes was someone telling me that,
"Expectations are premeditated resentments."
I expected so much from everyone! I expected to be loved, cared for, helped when I needed it.
Needless to say, I didn't receive much of that while I was growing up. My expectations were not unreasonable either. But, as an adult, if I have expectations of someone else, and they do not fulfill those expectations, what am I to do? I can't force them! So, why stress over it? Instead, I choose to make the best of what I have.
Keep on posting and you will find that you will grow and grow and grow. I have learned so much here. When I first came here, I was a literal basket case.
Now, I have peace and live without any chaos in my life.(except my occational gripe about my mother the A in my life, she's been sober 30 yrs)
You will too. It sounds like you're expecting too much of your own self. So, try to take it easy on your self as you mature in sobriety and recovery.