Originally Posted by
rmm 
benham- wow- your statement about your wife saying similar things about regretting telling you the truth hurting more than being hit really hit me hard (no pun intended). i told my husband that his telling me that really, really hurt and he totally brushed it off and told me i misinterpreted what he meant and he turned it around somehow so that i wound up apologizing to him for being upset and i ultimately felt bad for him. now i'm rethinking it and am really sad again and angry.
To me, feelings are a true entry into my soul. If I really want to know what I think about a situation, I start with finding out how I feel about it. A lot of what I think is motivated by how I feel. My feelings are natural reactions and they are OKAY. This part took me a long time to realize, so please don't expect to make this change overnight:
Originally Posted by me
Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, has a right to tell me that my feelings are wrong!
Now, the difference is my actions. Feelings are good and natural, but actions based off of feelings may or may not be okay.
Originally Posted by
rmm as for the kids deserving at least one sane parent...you know what's sad... i feel like my husband is the saner parent to our girls right now. i am such a wreck 24:7 wondering what he's next going to get upset with me about, what i'm going to get blamed for doing, when he's going to sneak drinks and try to hide it etc... that it has made me a miserable wretch of a mom and wife...
You obviously know more about your life than I ever could, but I'm going to make a stab in the dark here. I think your kids know there is something wrong with dad, and that makes the sane parent count in the house to be 0. Like I said before, YOU have to power to make yourself the sane parent in the house.
Originally Posted by
rmm it's a sad sign that my happiest times are when he's not home. when he stays late at work, goes away for the weekend with my brothers or is working is when it's the most relaxed. weekends are pure hell around here.
You may see that as a sad sign, but I see that as hope. I would be more afraid if you liked the times you get blamed or are afraid to upset him in anyway and were a wreck when he's not there. This to me means that you have the beginnings to be okay with yourself. If you start to get better, he may not like it. He's lost a scapegoat for his own feelings. Who knows what will happen at that point, but the two most important things will happen:
1) The sane parent count will reach 1
2) You will love yourself
That to me would be a
great success, and everything else would be up to your husband. Does he want to get better? Or will he decide to stay where he is?