Originally Posted by
rmm 
... I feel like I have one reason after another why I am responsible..... I feel guilty asking my husband to watch the girls so I can go to an Al Anon meeting, I think he'll drink when I'm gone etc... I've been pretending for a number of years that the problem I knew was there with his drinking was all in my head (as he's told me over and over).....
Welcome, I hope you can find the help you are looking for here at SR. I quoted your post above because I've been there. I spent YEARS feeling responsible for my AH. I did everything I could think of make things better. I remember one day I just got so overwhelmed.... I took a walk with the dog and I was crying, he pulled up beside me on the road and yelled at me that he couldn't live with a crazy person! That was near my bottom. My life was gone as I was just trying to please someone that could not be pleased. Nothing I did was right.
I think I heard a lot of the same crazy making stuff you are getting now.
As to Alanon, I found a noon meeting. My kids were in school. My AH DID drink with the kids even when he PROMISED he wouldn't. My AH did find out when the meetings were and that when he would call me and want to go to lunch.... sooooo... we haven't gone to lunch in years and now you want to go to lunch on the one day I have an Alanon meeting? My time was limited due to work, kids etc but is all worked out. If Alanon is helpful for you then go, do what you have to do for yourself.
Its hard to change your thinking, I know, after having heard for years that there isn't a problem, I was over reacting, I was the reason for the problem, everyone drinks like he does, if I was just a better wife, if the house was cleaner he wouldn't have to yell at me..... I started to belive it.
My point is take care of yourself, and the kids. He is an adult, he can make his choices.
Good luck with this, you have taken the first step by reaching out for help.
