Originally Posted by
Ago 
Say I fell in love with Kimmeh, you are my sunshine, my alpha and omega, but you develop a taste for BonBons and watching the Oprah channel 24/7 and over the course of time gained a pound or two....
I approach you and say, "Honey <sound of idiotic moronic explanation because foot is lodged so far in mouth it's hard to understand what is being said anyway> but the long and short is I would like you to lose weight, and your reply is to leave in order to "feel safe"
How does that response make it safe for me to have real communication with you.
It brings to mind the term "walking on eggshells" which is what I would have to if I were dating you about your weight issue
I was referring to a situation like the Missus is describing: after years of relationship I am being told that he is not attracted to me physically, that it was hard to not tell, blahblahblah. I, personally, could not deal with that.
My boyfriend met me when I was much thinner and we
have talked about it. He tells me that he is worried about my health and that's fine and sweet! He supports my healthy behavior and with that support, BUT also with the knowledge that he wouldn't leave me even if I gained more, I can be in a place where I feel comfortable enough to be good to myself.
The difference is that he takes the time to understand why I gained the weight instead of suggesting that I have developed a liking for BonBons and watch Oprah all day.
It is possible to address the issue and it is possible to be gentle and supportive about it. I reject your argument that the poor poor men cannot address the issue with women. "Lose weight, I am not attracted to you anymore" is not the way to do it because the fact that you are not attracted to me anymore is probably less serious than the underlying reason of my weight gain. So instead of demanding weight loss, why not address why the person has gained the weight in the first place?
Each of us deals with this differently and I wanted to share what I would do and why.