I'm a New member here, so i posted this elsewhere but then found the "Family and Friends" Forum, which is more appropriate.

My dad was an addict (Now clean for 19 years), my stepdad was an addict (Now dead after a Cocaine Overdose), my brother is an alcoholic, my godfather is an alcoholic, and the man I’m in love with is addicted to Pills. Pattern?

Despite witnessing all the heartache my mother has gone through, and how much she has been set back trying to help these men, I can't walk away from the man I love. So, instead I’m asking for advice on the best way to help him.
We met a year ago and for the first four months I was unaware of his illness. Looking back there were countless "signs" but I never thought his problems, our problems, stemmed from an addiction. He uses opiates. Daily. He is to the point where if he doesn't use, he gets withdrawals pretty bad. And that is the only reason, he says, he uses. Just to make it thru the day without getting sick.

I, never having to personally battle something like this, don't know how to help him. This problem is way beyond me. I'm 19, he is 24, and has been forced to move back in with his parents having blown all his money on drugs. He holds a job, at one point he had two, took college classes last year, works out, and not many people, even his closest friends, are aware of what he is going thru right now. He hides it very well.

He goes to meetings every night, is very open with me about his battle, and has been wanting/trying to quit for months, but can't quite kick the habit yet. I'm glad he is open with me, and that he is religious about attending meetings, but it's frustrating treading the line between supporting him and enabling him. I hate the tough love thing. I feel like he is in so much pain and struggling so much with himself, I don't need to be "tough", but I know I baby him way too much. I pick up every phone call and can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve said "NO" to him. But by doing that I’m probably not doing him any favors? I don’t know...

I gave him 40 dollars last week to pay a bill. I knew it was wrong, and I told him I wanted to go with him to pay it so I would know for sure where it was going. He said "NO...excuse excuse". And that was that. Damnit.

I listen to him talk about how much he hates himself, but it's hard. It’s so hard to keep composed and be encouraging all the time. I want to do more. This is where I think I enable him. On one hand I know it is beyond my control, and he needs to do what he needs to do, and I’m going to be second to drugs until he is clean. I also know that you can't really love someone else until you really love yourself. But on the other hand I love him so much and I know what he is capable of. I wish he though as highly of himself as I do of him.

I suppose I didn’t need to write such a long entry to ask a simple question, what is the best way for me to support him? Without driving myself insane, or being too "easy" on him? He is a great person. I don't want to lose him to something like this. I know i can't change him. But is being beside him the best thing for him right now?