chrysalis, so al-anon you found helpful huh? i guess maybe i ought to check it out... i live in a very very small town and my husband is a teacher at the local high school so i am doubly worried about "keeping up appearances". ironically, the harder i try to keep up appearances for his sake, the more nuts i make myself. it's wild to hear that someone else has had the experience of being married to "man of the year" and in turn feel like you're the terrible one. i feel like my whole family (and certainly his because they've said as much) feel like i'm too hard or too impatient with him. how is it though that these same people don't see him drinking to excess and being a zombie at family gatherings, leaving me to make it seem like it's "normal". who wouldn't be pissed off and irritable at this scenario after a number of years, right?