Dear Laura,
(((((Large Big Hugs)))))! You have not given up and that is a wonderful thing! You also admitted to everyone the "power that alcohol has over you". It takes a great deal of courage to face your demon, alcohol and to have admitted to all of us your weakness. This is why in AA, it is stated that alcohol is "Cunning, baffling and powerful". You have not experienced anything more shameful than any of the rest of us has at many times also felt. You are NOT alone and you have joined in the company of all of us who have felt the same weakness towards this disease. Please...allow yourself to be "human" just as all of us are. Just continue to take "One day at a time" and it will come in time. Keep on fighting the good fight and stick with SR.
Love Pancake xo