I am sorry you are hurting.
:ghug
Have you made an appointment with a counseler or therapist? I agree with Devon that you will benefit from learning to love and care for yourself.
This is your wonderful life, you have value and worth. You have children and grandchildren as part of your world. Love yourself, love them, and let yourself feel the love that is around you. It's there. You may have been looking for it at the wrong places recently. That's okay, we get distracted and loose our focus at times.
Maybe it's time to make a gratitude list. List the things in your world that you are thankful for. A roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, groceries in the kitchen, your health, your children, grandchildren, job, talents, generosity, compassion and joy. I hope you find your joy again.
Love and hugs:ghug