Today I felt like a robot........going thru the day being careful of what to say & not to say, wanting to scream ...........STOP BEING SO INDIFFERENT! STOP ACTING LIKE WE ARE STRANGERS! STOP ACTING LIKE WE WERE NEVER FRIENDS, LOVERS, PARTNERS..........ugggghhh as we moved thru the day grocery shopping etc...... I felt like he was going thru the motions not seeing or caring to see me, not really hearing me or caring to hear me ...........there were fleeting moments when he seemed like he really wanted to let that guard down & laugh with me ............ then the cloud passed over his face & he started talking about "things he has been learning in "group" " All I can see or hear is that he is learning to be indifferent, cold, heartless, aloof........(only toward me). I wonder if he is still seeing the "friend he met" I won't ask because I dont' want to hear the answer............so I hurt......alone..... I asked if he had a good day today ....he says " it was ok, just a day" what does that mean??????? Here I was feeling all sorts of emotions all day .....happy one minute sad the next ...and all he says was it was just a day.....well it was a day that we have not even tried to have in 2 years .............just a day ? ......I want to cry, I feel stupid, and yes I feel like he has discarded me. Like I was never there, like 14 and a half years together were never there. Did I dream all the years? Were all the I love yous just a dream?
How is it that when the A gets "help" they just become so cold & distant, so self absorbed, so uncaring? Hurtful, he says " I didn't mean to hurt your feelings" But I don't know what I am going to want tomorrow, next day etc.............
