The best part of posting is that it is helping you!!! I found this site about two weeks ago, and never imagined how much help it would be, both reading and posting.
It seems the remorse you are feeling may be steming from the truth....the honesty and good in you is sending out a message to the you who may enjoy drinking a bit too much. Drinking has a way of just becoming a normal part of life somehow, and this is how we tend to see it as time passes---as normal. I too have been lucky in many ways, and the situations I've put myself in with the poor decision making while drinking. My only advice to you is to at least stop drinking for a couple weeks....you will be amazed at how your thinking and total frame of mind will change. This way you can try and make decisions about your future with clear and honest judgement. In my experience, I was so used to being drunk, hungover, feeling horrible about myself---that it become "normal" to me, and I suffered and wasted so many precious years of my life. Maybe you are just too used to this lifestyle??
There are no quick easy answers, but at least you are making an effort to make changes in your life!! Good luck
Keep reading and posting, you will be surprised how much it helps, and how much you may discover about yourself