As I have worked my way down this long road of recovery, I learned that shame was something I learned from way back as that little girl with two alcoholic parents.
That little girl is still inside of me and still feels the shame instilled by my abusive father and neglectful mother and all the "stuff" that I learned along the way. That I was never going to be good enough no matter what. That my parents drinking and behaviors were all my fault. That if only I tried harder I could fix everything and life would be wonderful like those lovely families I saw on tv.
That little girl's shame though was part of the reason I married an alcoholic and certainly was ther reason I became overtly codependent in may marriage. Its part of the reason it took me as long as it did to leave him and admit I had made a mistake in marrying him. That shame is deep rooted and has sent out sad little tendrils that I didn't notice 'cause they had always been there.
I got rid of the rational, thinking parts of that shame long ago. But I ignored the emotional innner little girl who swallowed it whole and still believes it. She is still inside and needing the care and nurturing she never got. I am working on doing that now. I will be working on that for some time to come. But I've made progress. I can now give myself the love I never got from my parents.