Over the past three or four years, many things I've discovered on my journey turn out to be paradoxical. All the time I was married, I KNEW many things intellectually. But, my subconscious, emotional self was on a totally different page. This is what led me to self-sabotage in many cases. And then I would wonder why things never worked out for me. By the same token, I was always superior and self-righteous toward the alcoholic, telling myself how much 'better' I was because I wasn't a drunk like him. At the same time, all that puffing myself up was really just a cover for my self-doubt and lack of internal worth.
So, nowwhat, that's why I say I think you are right in the sense that it's something spiritual. Because our intellectual selves aren't always in agreement with our subconscious selves. It takes a lot of digging to uncover those paradoxes, but shining the light into dark places has awesome rewards.
L