Hi, justsad. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. This is a great site with many wise and caring people. If you haven't already please read the "stickies" at the top of this section. They are full of great insight.
Because I have to learn everything the hard way I didn't listen in the beginning when people told me I couldn't help my A. I thought our situation was different and that I could help him.
I was very, very wrong. The one thing I have learned is that regardless of the differences in people when it comes to alcoholism there is almost a "script" that the alcoholics follow. I have done every possible thing I could think of (and then some) to help and it didn't make a difference. It only made my life a living hell.
The bottom line is that they will not get help until they want to. They will make efforts to please the people in their lives (promises, quitting for a while, etc) but unless they want to do it - it really won't happen.
In the meantime you and everyone who cares for the A will slowly be destroyed if you allow it.
Please take some time and focus on yourself and what you need.
I'm not much of a group person but Alanon really helped give me some much needed perspective. It also helped me to detach from the insanity while I was living there.
Please keep reading and posting. It helps more than you might think right now.