GREAT TOPIC.
I find that much of my difficulty lies in shame.
Shame that is crippling in its intensity. I am ashamed that I am married to a man who is an alcoholic, because of what I believe that says about my worthiness as a human being. I am ashamed of the details of what I have done and what I have put up with in my relationship with him because of what I think it says to others about my own self-worth. OOOh it's a tangled web of a need for external validation.
I know these are thoughts built on rotten footings, but my core beliefs are often not self-loving and this (amongst many other things) is part of the "evidence" that I recruit to back up that self-loathing.
*sigh* (LOL) I am working on it. Bah
do you think shame is ever a useful emotion? fear is useful as long as it isn't phobic and crippling, it can protect you from venturing further into dangerous situations: but shame?