beer can mess that i am supposed to clean up.
dear justsad-- why are you supposed to clean it up?
Enabling is by definition doing for an adult what they should be able to do for themselves.
It's his mess - leave it for him to clean up. Does it gross you out? Is it unsanitary and unsafe? Then why are you living like this???? Is this how you want YOUR life to look?
JUST STOP IT ALREADY SO WE CAN HAVE A NORMAL LIFE!!!!!
YOU can start having whatever YOU consider a normal life starting now. Make a plan, take some baby steps and maybe try AlAnon or some one-on-one counseling.
You can't get him to STOP IT! You will make yourself cuckoo trying to get him to do anything. He is an alcoholic. The disease is progressive and they will do things that are absolutely maddening and baffling even to their loved ones. Believe it. That's the nature of addiction.
If you're planning to stay in the relationship, for the short or long term, you can take steps to protect yourself from the insanity! It's not easy - but it is worth it!
peace
b.
And P.S. I found it very unhealthy to "pretend" something that bothers me doesn't bother me. In fact, for me the first step in acceptance was to get real and stop pretending!!!!!!! AlAnon was a lifesaver in this area.