Trying to tell my ABF how I feel is pointless. I have told him for years and it has done nothing to change him and has kept me feeling angry and helpless.
But I don't like to pretend either so I don't. I let my actions speak for me without anger or contempt.
When anger or nerves get the better of me, I express them to people who can understand and help me through those times (almost anyone but ABF). I resolve my frustrations in healthy ways, exercise, prayer, meditation etc.
You can love someone and still still call the cops if they are going to injure themselves or other. You can be supportive of someone to get help from afar.
Your anger will pass. I still reside with my ABF and my anger has waned considerably over the last few months. "Faking it till you make it" as they say does help. Going through the motions of detaching yourself from his drama can and does help get to a place of true detachment with caring.
If your anger does not let up and you find you cannot live with your A without feeling anger all the time, you have to separate yourself more profoundly meaning physically from him to work through this process.
Best wishes
Alice