Originally Posted by
praiseHim 
Ok, my next question is he will go ballistic if I tell him I am quitting marriage counseling and probably want a divorce. Should I just tell him, or should I go to the counseling tomorrow and then tell him? What should I tell him about it. I'm not totally ready financially for divorce and want to get a couple of things situated. Any thoughts.
I do not feel qualified at all to give you advice on that question but I can share my ESH (experience, strength, and hope). You will read about the 3 C's on this site. They are you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. I know and accept now that I cannot control the AH. I tried in lots of ways for many years to control him and actually thought it was my duty to do so in order to keep him safe and our marriage on the right track. That, for me, was a futile effort and until I became aware of that I was stuck. I learned through counseling, Alanon, and here that my duty was to take care of myself. I relaized I had lost me in the 20 years of exposure to his alcohol addiction I subjected myself to. I also realized I did for him what he could have and should have been doing for himself and that I also had the problem of "people pleasing" gone completely out of control. I wanted to make him happy regardless and I was manipulated up one side and down the other because of this. I had a lot to learn about addiction and about how I too became sick...anyway that was what happened to me.
One thing I did before deciding to proceed with a divorce was to visit with a lawyer. That relieved fears and answered many questions. I also was in counseling at that time as well to help me learn what it was I wanted for my life and the life of my kids.