Well, that's a sensitive subject, Trying. I don't know if you're jaded. I don't think I'd call it that. You've just changed your standards.
I'll have to agree with you, but not for the same reasons. I have several uncles who are A's, and I never had an interest in being with anyone with this problem. They were/are silly drunks and they made my family laugh. I always pitied them though, and my aunts never respected them as men. My family always shook their heads after the laughing was over.
My
XABF was my college sweetheart, so I wound up with him one way or the other - he was My Dream, The One, and he had become an A while we were apart. Well - someone once asked me if it was possible that he was a con artist back when we were in college, and I was too naive to see it. After all, I lived with my parents, I never saw him much, he didn't want a commitment, and my two best friends at the time didn't like the way he treated me...was I missing the warning signs?
Probably.
So, my point is
anyone could be untrustworthy. What's stopping a person from becoming an addict, a freeloader, a liar, or a cheat? So, while a recovering addict has the chance of falling off the wagon as much as HE/SHE allows himself to be at risk, anyone could hurt us and make it hard to trust again.
In the end, I really think it's about
preference. I can't think of a "next lover" but I'm going to get rid of my tummy, and the next guy will have a great body and good health habits. No more eating ice cream in the middle of the night, and coming to bed with salami breath, still chewing the last bit of the sandwich. YUK!
It's also about
standards. My
XABF wasn't that gross in the beginning. He didn't eat at night and come to bed without brushing his teeth. But then he did. He also came home with money that smelled like perfume (so I started smelling his clothes every night to see if it was on him. It was always on his overcoat, never on his shirts.) So I lowered my standards by letting him into my life, then lowered them more by tolerating ridiculous, inappropriate behavior. I think it's about being strong enough to be able to say "NO, go away" when it's time.
Just my 2 cents.
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READY!