Families and recovery
Perhaps I should have put this in Family and Friends, but I'm hoping my wife chooses to go there, and I want her to have it to herself.
I'm at about 4-1/2 months (137 days, but who's counting?). My sobriety is doing pretty well, but years of neglect at home, especially in the financial realm, has left us in some hot water with such fun groups as the IRS. My wife is very stressed out and upset, and I cannot blame her. If not totally my fault, I am the chief culprit. The AA fellowship, however, has given me a sense of hope that I lacked before. Unfortunately, my wife lacks that hope.
A few months ago, I asked her to read the Big Book chapter to wives, and to check-out an AlAnon meeting or two. She did not take me up on either suggestion. This morning we had a very tough discussion, where I acknowledged that she has every right to be upset and to be angry with me. That said, we need to deal with the situation.
I again raised the idea of AlAnon, and she replied angrily that she has too much going on in her life to do anything about my sobriety. I agreed, and told her that AA, God, and I have my sobriety in hand. But, I also suggested that AlAnon is less about helping her to help me, and more about helping her with counsel, tools, and support with her own challenges. She has a tough time seeing or believing this. She reluctantly agrees that my decades of drinking have caused a series of dysfunctions in the family (fortunately none too bad), and that resolving them -- e.g. a very self-centered 22-year-old who still hasn't gotten a job a year after graduating from a quite expensive college, and who makes my wife's life hell with her demands and whining.
Am I missing something here? My understanding is that AlAnon is for her and the family, not necessarily to help with my sobriety, but to help with our strengthening the family.
Help!?!