Abs - just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you. Yep - finding a way to excuse lying (it's part of the disease, etc) was a tricky one for me. However, it helped me to discern the true meaning of acceptance....which for me was accepting that "it" is happening (instead of being in denial) and then learning that acceptance does not mean tolerating the behavior in my life and relationships. I had to decide if being lied to is a boundary for me (and it is) - if that's the case, I don't want to be in that relationship. I don't have to accept lies, I have to accept that someone that I care about lies. With that knowledge then I can make my own decisions.
Being more understanding/tolerant/loving/patient works better in relationships that do not have active addiction going on. It's counter intuitive but those very behaviors contribute to more using. Last night I dreamed that my husband decided to drink again and accepted a "date" with another woman. It triggered all kinds of emotions in me so I had to wake up and do my recovery work. This is a hard road.
I hope that one thing that my experiences ever help another person with is to be an example of why recovery is for ourselves. I went through addiction with other people and once I walked away from them I also walked away from my own active recovery. Which is how I found myself involved with my biggest addict so far. I wish that I had stuck with recovery - especially meetings and having a sponsor all along. I am at high risk for relapsing into relationships with challenges and only a strong program keeps me "awake".
Keep on keeping on.......glad the boys are doing okay. They know so much more than we think that they do.