How do I say this…
And yes my husband is in recovery.
I couldn’t find a reason to leave, or one to stay either. Couldn’t at one point make any damn decisions…
I knew I was f*cked up in the head, it didn’t take long once I went looking for something to help make sense of what I was seeing. And of course I went that first day in search for help with him ruling my head and found real quick it was me that needed help…
I was in this more from a I don’t want to screw this up and regret my decision…but then how does one make a decision when they are in such a state of madness?
So I started to work on me a bit at a time and kept pushing forward with backsliding and relearning…with a bit of oh I hope he can keep up. But I was resolved that I will never stop moving toward…well I don’t know exactly what but I damn sure don’t want to revert back to the insanity.
It has been a really interesting journey….
I don’t what will be for you. I read and so get it having had to process everything I was seeing and hearing which was contradictory….I had to remove the using and or not using, that was most important…then I started to trust that he would do exactly what he wanted to and I couldn’t stop it…and while I never stopped believing he could get it, I took me out of needing to be the one to teach him, point out, beg him to see, wish him to see, bargain for him to…. I mean really it is very obvious what they need to do to help themselves, and where they are they worst enemies…But you know they can figure that out if they are allowed. I never did the snoop thing it is to me horrible….and in most cases when I read about it I think for damn sure any addict in active addiction should have drugs, and if the behaviors are shining high, why are you looking to validate what you know it the truth anyway…and with wonder of what motives one might use to justify…
Keep learning, about you that is where all the answers are. And it has nothing to do with strength, just lots of work, which sucks btw…lol