Ok, I don't want to admit this, even to myself but ....
Just over a year ago, I confided to my therapist that I was so HAPPY I just couldn't stand it!
Then, now-RAH relapsed. On our 16th anniversary. (Of all the f'ing NERVE) I wasn't happy any more. I haven't been happy since then. What's got me depressed is that finally, after all these years, I have quit believing in him and his ability to be sober. I ALWAYS believed in him before and it hurts not to. I live in constant fear that he won't come home ...
*sigh*
that said - I did my laps and read CtC ...
today is our 17th anniversary ... all in all, it's been more good than bad - and I DO love him
tomorrow is his 1 year sober anniversary ... I used to feel guilty for having more time than him and it used to feel ackward. Now, I am grateful for the "anchor" of all that time (mine).
Blue