Thanks Ago, coming from you it means a lot.
MeHandle, I was referring to the alcoholic that was in my life.
I know his truth yet I do not believe it, talk about still being in denial about what I lived with him. I have realized this denial keeps me stuck BIG TIME. I still think I am crazy and I imagined what he put me through. Sheeeshh!
I always "resist' when people here mention "take a look at YOU" but even if afraid at first I have realized I feel much better and in control when I shift focus. I guess I am just not used to feeling my own power and recognize how much I have grown. And what I have done for ME... even if it was less than perfect.
I realize I am years light from forgiving this last person. So I am going to ask for forgiveness to two people I have harmed today.
One is another ex boyfriend. I cheated on him. With a "coworker" and friend of him. Well, it was some kisses and flirting. He found out. Then he forgave me. Today my apologies are sincere. They were before, but today (3 years later) I can actually feel his pain. I am anxious about this but I know this will be a circle closing and finally putting that story to rest. I can't believe how selfish I was. Wish me luck.
The other one is a girl friend. We were not that close, but she confided she had a crush with a guy. Next day I was already going out with him. We had a brief relationship. I never thought how I could have hurt her until now - 5 years later, too.
I will write to her as I do not have her phone #.
I will write to this guy too. We are still friends and "care" about each other. I will probably close that circle and wish him luck in the future.
Its a law of Feng Shui you need to make room for new things to come. My mind and heart are stuck in so many ways on events on the past, no wonder I do not feel fulfilled now or appreciate my new life- I feel so numb and exhausted. But at least I can experiment with different things. Given I am already learning my "way" does not work anymore.. well... never did.
MeHandle I hope you keep posting
I like your posts because they are very God/HP oriented (I guess I am still in steps 1 and 2. Today flirting with step 9)
PS Today I reset my password at work and this was given to me: "Sanity" (with some other characters). LOL. Can I get some of it, please?
PPS My iPod just chose "Friends of misery" from Metallica.I hope some day I come out of denial and actually see I am no longer choosing friends of misery "misery loves company" but real friends and real people to be around me. I really need people that are expansive and daring, like you are. Man is this hard when you are alone.
PPPS I guess I will be reading all those points, and stating the lies I believe, and what is the truth. Then re read the truth as crazy and use it as "affirmations" and post them everywhere, my brain needs to be un-brainwashed and man if I can actually do it it will be so sweet and wonderful, it will be a beautiful day.
Great thread!