thank you, K. I agree that for me, opiates have been the most dangerous. I did start with the vicoden, percs (when available) and especially TRAMADOL about 2 years ago- and made many mistakes there, in some ways I feel like I "sinned" against my addict partner (in recovery when we met)... but of course I justified it. I've had the same therapist for about 8 years though, and knowing I had to admit everything to her (never saw the point of lying in therapy)... anyways, for whatever reason I stopped (my last pill abuse was a couple weeks ago). I REFUSE to go downhill from here. I have major **** to face, clean shop, shift my brain into place... I feel like I'm on the verge of healing (reading about codependency and especially COUNTERdependency got me crying at work)... I think, honestly, I am a brave person who does the right thing, and I intend to operate from that place, not a place of being numb to pain or hiding from problems. again, thank you.