Day 3 (from my blog)
I am flip flopping all around in my head and in my emotions.
I go from feeling strong about my future and then cringing about my behavior for the last few years. Feeling embarrassed, humiliated, weak ... not good feelings. Remembering how he used to tell me that I'm not playing "checkers" ... that I need to be playing Chess. I wouldn't give too much energy to that - I don't even know how to play Chess! HA! But seriously... I would brush those comments off saying..... "I don't want games - PERIOD!"
Today I posed a question:
If someone is lying to you, and you are allowing yourself to be continually hurt by this person - what would you do:
A. He doesn't know what he is doing - I have compassion. I accept him for who he is - I don't take it personally.
B. I deserve to be treated this way.
C. I think more of myself than to allow myself to be around people who lie to me, that I can't trust. I choose to surround myself around those I trust, and don't feel that my sanity is being threatened.
I was never in the B category. I was in constant turmoil between answering A and C. When the going got too rough .... it's when I would choose C.
I will say though, that I tried very hard to be in "A".