ahhh - thank you for the pep talk(s)!
I'm going to sit here and re-read them til they REALLY sink in
- I think snails are slower - ants tend to scurry around too much to really be SLOW
in the past, I'd have thought that THIS IS an easy life - I mean come on, I don't *DO* anything -- NOTHING -- WHY?!? WHY am I doing this to myself and to RAH!? I am just so stuck in this deep rut -
we used to say that too "What doesn't kill you ...." How come I feel so damned WEAK then? huh? how come?! tell me THAT! There has been ALOT of crap come down the shoot the last couple years and I s'pose I should give myself credit for getting thru it and not totally losing it .... but I HAVE lost it - I can't manage to be positive about still having my apt and my bunny and getting RAH back ... I can't f'ing WALK and I'm p'd off about it .... about not realizing that that's what I was doing ... I'm p'd off that it feels like I am being punished ... I'm p'd off that if HURTS to do anything but sit on my fat butt
there are SO many things I can't do that I used to really enjoy and I am starting to think about them and looking forward to them and then I can't even walk 4 blocks and it just utterly destroys me - today my goal is to start doing my laps again and to practise walking slow and being OK with it - no, it's not as good as walking by the river but at least it's a small start - and I'm already starting to feel bad and whiny that I prob'ly won't be able to do more than 3 minutes
and why are there so many smiley faces in here when I feel so rotten today!??
Even when I'm trying to be open and honest, I feel the need to mask how bad I really feel ... *heavy sigh*
Thank you all for sitting with me and offering encouragement - I DO appreciate it even while resenting that I need it ... blah ... I'm going to go re-read everything and then do laps
Blue