Can this go in the stickies someone? It is helpful.:-) Or is there already something so similar it would be a repeat?
Awesome find TrainWreckAgain.
Originally Posted by
Ago 
That reminds of the introduction to "Codependent No More" I think, I was reading it and it said, "If you are reading this for yourself, you may be a codependent, if you are reading this for someone else you are definitely a codependent"
I was like DAMMIT!!!!!I am SO busted.
I was TOTALLY reading it for "someone else"
So I would add that for me to Bookwyrm's list
11. Reads and brings "helpful" literature for others
I read this for my education Andrew, :-), not thinking of someone else, but how it applies to the active addict. I think it would be helpful to make it readily available to others who have addicts in their life. For me this make
sense as it will be helpful to anyone who wants to educate themselves about addicts.
Good and fair addition , #11, with perspective.:-)
What a great tool for recognizing the perspective of an addicts mindset when we can't relate enough to more fully understand. This is also a great tool for the people we want to trust and we try expressing what we are up against but they just are not getting what it is we see and deal with, what it is like to walk in our shoes. This could help as an objective tool when we or a trusted confidant is having a problem separating the reality of our situation from emotion.
I wonder how the statistics would weigh out on the top 3?
I can spot the top 7
Some of how he communicates his perspective was different, but still clearly falls into these catergories. The first 3 he speaks more often at the forefront, but of course I can't know an order. After that I just know that he says this stuff. )
1. Your not so pure yourself. ( His biggest issue is what I did sexually before I married him at the age of 19,resentments.)
2. Nobody knows the trouble I have seen. ( 2 alcoholic/abusive parents. An actual victim)
3. I am not that bad.( What he is saying, not me: " I am a good(good= for the most part healthy in my concern for others) person.
Maybe 4. I am not nearly as bad as other people.
( Hmmm, but then he has told me when he is drunk I have no idea of just how sick and dangerous he really is.)
Is not my fault.( He states because of what he went through as a child. Has recently said he has to stop blaming his parents.)
I can handle it myself. ( I am going to "show" you I don't want you to divorce me, watch me, I am going to quit. and I am going to just keep throwing the bottles away when i am convicted until I just stop.)
I don't have money to get help.( His statement, " "We" can't afford for me to go into treatment. And then they might find an excuse to fire me at work, I need a job- its money. "
* This last one brings up a thought: Which one covered pride, I missed it ? The other reasons he has stated for not going into treatment is everyone at work will know then he has a drinking problem. He also didn't want to go back to the same AA meetings because he 'drank.' and saw himself having to admit that.
He didn't want to go to the 12 step group at church because he can't be anonymous to others he might know at church, others being recovering As and people in my Relationally Affected group who will know he is my husband if we go together.
Okay...done wondering outloud. But which one does someone think related to pride from the perspective I wrote above? I gotta go back and read to see if i find it.