Maybe some of us are too far gone or maybe that's just another cop-out from my damn alcoholic mind. It's enough to drive ya nuts.
You know D, Hugh D when he would speak used to quote this a lot, the first paragraph of Chapter 5 of the BB of AA, "How It Works."
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Then he would say .................................. "A "Smart Azz" or "Wet Brain." So when you are sitting on the curb trying to figure out which one your are, you have two choices."
Now sure, he would get laughs, but he was serious. Hugh had the knack for 'simplifying things' and bringing them into perspective, and no he was not 'politically correct.'
D, you are on day 6 not 96 or 366. SLOW DOWN. You spent many years getting to where you are now, and you ain't going to be well in 6 days.
Do a "Timeline" on your drinking career. Dates if possible, what happened, as your life moved on, and in black and white you will then see your own progression. This can go a long way to getting the ACCEPTANCE to the very core of your being that yes, you are an alcoholic and yes your life has become unmanageable. Once you know and feel this to the core of your being, you will be ready for Step 2. Not that you won't go back and read Step 1, over and over and over, as time goes on as a REMINDER.
Your question BTW is very common. I too, questioned whether I could ever do this, was I too 'far gone', etc and I got the comment given to me about which was I a smart azz or a wet brain ........................................ well I knew I wasn't a 'wet brain' I had visited some at the VA Hospital in Northridge, so guess what? rofl sure brought me up short and made me realize that those questions were my disease talking to me.
Talk with your sponsor about this, talk with other 'old timers' at your meetings.
You will get past this also.
How's the daily "TO DO" list coming along?
Love and hugs,