Put down the sword... get that first step in your heart. By surrendering you win. I know you've heard that before... I just preface my next thoughts with that one.
I don't know if I have anything to say that will resonate with you. But here goes...
I remember so many days like the one your having. Early sobriety sucks... not having to go through that again is enough to keep me in the rooms alone. Right now, I am having an unsettled few days... my wife was away since friday... turns out I have some pretty serious shoulder problems (painful physical therapy, maybe surgery... both shoulders!)... I feel like avoiding work and all things requiring sustained effort.
Second step... God will restore us to sanity. Third step... Let go and Let God.
I think I'll trust Him... If I keep trying to do the next right thing... God will do His will, His next right thing for me. I don't know what that is... but I don''t have to know.
When I get all tangled up, thrown about on those stormy seas on that little lifeboat... These truths are the only thing that settles me.
I needed to write that, whether you needed to hear it, I don't know. Firestorm, I care about you and your journey... I am honored to be here on SR where you share it with all of us. Hang in there buddy.
Mark