Six days wasn't long enough for my head to clear, firestorm. Although I hated hearing it early on, I've found it to be true: time takes time. If you don't already have a sponsor, please get one. Those steps can't be taken alone. Although I didn't know it at the time, my thoughts processes were twisted beyond the point that they could be repaired by any means of self-help. I didn't need self-help. I needed help.
Also--and I don't expect you to understand it now or even believe it--if you stick with it, there will come a day when everything you're seeing in your liability column will move on over to the asset column. That comes later down the line, and it is so cool when it happens.
Peace & Love,
Sugah