FS,
It's not a wasted life - don't think that! You lived, and now you live. That's what we all do.
As for the emotional merry-go-round: you have my empathy. I completely relate to spending hours doing something menial in order to distract my mind. I'm on day 6 too, so I think we're on the same level there. Right now, I think that is perfectly fine for us to do - whatever keeps us sane without giving in to the addiction.
Breathe deep, take a quick shower, chug water, entertain your mind. Perhaps repeat. *sighs* I'm trying not to dwell on the past or the future, and it's
hard! So, I hear ya!
Keep posting when you feel like it - I'm on your team and am happy to read whatever you write
Yay day 6!