Thank you Anvil, come to Texas & be my BFF! You are great!
He does have options, I see that. I feel like it's an effort to manipulate me. This am he asked to take son to some house painting job he is doing and he bought son Mcdonalds on the way. When last night he hadn't eaten in 2 days? WTF ever.....
I am doing ok, I call my mom and talk to her, she helps keep me grounded. Then he called sounding all chipper & wondering why I didn't want to talk to him. Idiot....
I do my readings, have my alanon meeting tonight. I kept my peice of paper that lists all that he's done so I can remind myself. When I feel bad I pull it out. Having it there in black & white reminds me why I am doing what I have to do.
We had a family vacation planned to Branson next month, I saved every month all freakin year to do it. Have a cabin rented already, show tickets bought. My mom was already going to go so I asked my sister if she wanted to go in AH's place.. She's trying to get the time off, hopefully she can go. He knows he ain't going. And he knows the kids and I are going anyways. He prob thinks I can't handle the drive but I can. So he'll get to stay & think about it.
Justtired, I feel like he prob thinks he can't make it without the pain meds. I feel like the meds prob make his pain worse. But the bottom line is he can't take them correctly & he's smoking pot & doing other meds along with it. And I can't live with that & keep my sanity. I think he uses that excuse to rationalize to himself why he should keep using. I feel like he could go check into rehab, he could go talk to his doc & tell him he's addicted and try some non narcotic option. I feel like he has those options but right now he won't take them.
So I can't back down.
Thank you all,
Teggie