I have to agree. That's kinda the point I was feebly trying to make here. It's not about saying that thing I did was codependent, and that other thing I did wasn't. None of that really matters. What matters is the results of past actions. Did the action lead to the desired result? Nope. What can I do differently now or in the future to get a better result? If you learn something, then you can't call it wrong.
On the other hand, doing same thing again and again, and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
Trying to make the best of an alcoholic marriage is a little like sticking your fingers in the leaks of a crumbling dam. Pretty soon you run out of fingers and the dam crumbles anyway. If the consensus on this thread is hiring a lawyer is not codependent because it was for the good of the family, does that mean you will do it again next time?
You drive him to work so he doesn't lose his job, but I will give you odds that if he continues down the path of alcoholism, he will lose it eventually anyway. You pay a lawyer to get him out of trouble, but he continues to get into more trouble. You hold on to hope that he will see the light, yet things just continue to get darker.
Don't worry so much about past actions. They are done. Concentrate on now.
L