Originally Posted by
whyamistaying 
This so hits home. I'm starting to see this. He can chose to drink and he is an adult. I can't control it and I can't stop it. I think I'm seeing this now, but believe me it has taken me a lot to get there. Crazy enough, it was him drinking after being in a rehab for 30 days. I kept thinking, "How can you possibly buy beer after we have spent so much money on rehab?" "He has to know not to."
So, no I am not living the life I want. I'm learning (very slowly it seems) what I did wrong.
How bout changing "what I did wrong" to "what I will do differently in the future"
I find for myself, placing "value" like "right" and 'wrong" on things sometimes obscures the issue itself.
You did the best you could with the tools you had.
Now you are learning different tools you will do things differently.
That way you can put down that big bat of judgment you are using on yourself and concentrate on "solution"
If you concentrate on "the problem" the problem increases, if you focus on "the solution" the solution increases.
I think our "beating ourselves up" for "doing it wrong" is actually part of the problem. We spend so much time focusing on that and beating ourselves up, or "how we were wronged" we don't take any time to focus on the solution.
So, what will you do
differently now?